Which are the things in your life you would like to cancel out? The dreams you haven’t reached for? Often, we are accommodating with whatever becomes a routine. Especially, in the last two years, life has changed for many of us, in a way that we were stuck at home and have created our very own prisons.
Natural distractions, like colleges or train delays, were gone. But, they were more than distractions. Playing “Home alone” for more than a year has narrowed our comfort zone. And we might become comfortable living a life which is not aligned with our goals – but at least we are feeling safe ?
If you can relate, continue reading, and let me tell you about a messed-up mind and fallbacks.
The messy mind:
Every New Year, it feels like a burden of shame is taken off my shoulder and I think: “Now! Now, I get another chance”.
Do you see how fucked up this is?
Man! We are all very good at finding excuses and victimizing ourselves. Until the realization arises, that no one else will deal with our shit. And that we can continue making compromises OR, if it is important enough, that we can make the change.
It is difficult to decide for change, because in the process of becoming aware of our needs we are confronted with all that is hiding within. Our failures, insecurities, and anxieties…
Too often I made a decision: Days pass by and sooner than later, I fell back into old habits. Especially, when being surrounded by the same four walls. Why? Because habits make us feel safe and on top, we are drugged.
Safe, as we love to know what to expect. Assumptions of how things are going to be, give us a feeling of control. (1)
Drugged, because “when people see something associated with a past reward, their brain flushes with dopamine”. You had a great last night drinking? Here is your dopamine, let’s do it again. You feel safe behind your screen. Here’s your dopamine, let’s do it again. (2)
Why we need courage.
Courage can be the strength to withstand fear. When breaking a habit we have to withstand the fear of facing ourselves and we have to let go of the sense of safety.
What next. How to implement the knowledge.
By acknowledging that changing isn’t easy, please don’t beat yourself up when things are going backward. But, if you want to change. Start doing the work for yourself.
- You can try the following exercise. Sit with me now, grab a piece of paper and answer these questions:
- What is it you would like to change?
How can you bring these changes into action?
And then, each time you are at the tipping point of making a decision either pro- or contra your just defined actions. Take a breath, maybe count 5,4,3,2,1 and choose the “next right thing”.
Quotes to go:
Mel Robbins“The 5 Second Rule: The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.”
Anna (Frozen)“All one can do is the next right thing“
Marie“Every breath is another chance”
Thank you so much for reading. I hope this article could bring you inspiration. Please feel invited to enter an exchange and leave a comment.
- Why is changing so hard. https://www.intelligentmanagement.ws/change-find-tough/
- Dopamine studies https://hub.jhu.edu/2016/02/11/dopamine-addiction-brain-science/